When Impatience Strikes

For almost a week already, I've been trying to make a certain spreadsheet that uses macros to generate important documents for our family business work. It became quite frustrating for me because I was busy with my day job and I have to take care of this matter.

During a meeting with family, I was trying to show to them the issues I've been encountering with the whole process. I was also explaining that this is something that the provider should resolve. During that time, I could hear my voice going up a few octaves and I could feel my eyebrows meeting halfway already. Of course I tried to calm myself because I know my response is wrong and to be honest, this has been a struggle a lot of times already.

After that meeting, I prayed to God to teach me to have more self-control. I confessed my fault before Him and just asked for guidance on how I can respond better in the future. The thought of saying sorry crossed my mind but I dismissed it telling myself that not responding the same way in the future should be more than enough. I knew deep in my heart that my pride is getting the best of me. Indeed, God revealed to me that I should swallow my pride and apologize.

During my quiet time in Matthew 5, I was drawn to verses 22-24.

22 But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell. 23 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.

I was struck with the thought that I'm encouraging hypocrisy telling other people that as children of God, we should learn to value one another and to make sure that we don't allow any form of anger to remain. It wasn't easy mustering up the courage and to firmly decide that I should do it.

I knew that humility can be a very difficult thing to practice. It was honestly extra difficult considering that this is my family. However, at that moment of indecision, God reminded me that all the more I should challenge myself to do it because how I respond to situations and how I obey God is an encouragement to the closest people in my life--my family. I may not control how they respond to the grace of God but I can definitely control my own responses. Hence, I decided to obey the Lord and expressed my apologies to them without worrying anymore of the unimportant what-ifs.

Character issues are never easy to deal with. However, God always assures us of His grace in every aspect of our lives. Obeying Him moment by moment, no matter how difficult it may seem, always leads to better things and I'm always sure about that.